What Are Your Needs?

Do you ever forget about your own needs?

We are often distracted with things that are irrelevant and totally unrelated to our goals. Life passes by and we often wonder where did the time go?

One of the things I do at the end of each year is to review my personal goals which I normally set in the beginning of each year. I also write the weekly self-care checklist. This helps me to make sure my personal needs are met before I take care of others. I continue to modify this list as I take a new class, meet someone important, or learn new things about myself.

For example, sometime ago while examining my life, I realized that I am missing playfulness and fun.

When I was a child, my parents demanded too many things from me. At that time the adult life looked like a never-ending journey of must-to-do lists, duties, errands, and heavy responsibilities.

As a child I learned to discount my needs in order please my parents. I wanted to make them happy in exchange for their love. I received their conditional love, but lost my individuality.

This childhood behavior carried over into my adulthood life and personal relationships. I became an expert in pleasing other people and ignoring my needs. It was so automatic that I never even questioned it… until I realized how unhappy I was…

I felt disregarded and unloved…  I was blaming my partner for not giving me what I needed without realizing that I wasn’t even clear what my own needs are. I had an expectation that my partner should know and fulfills my needs. That created many disappointments and emotional pain for me.

I learned that if I don’t allocate time and space to think about the things that make me happy, my passion fades away quickly and life becomes tedious and monotonous.

Now scheduling time for myself is an essential part of my life and I absolutely cannot function without it. Self-care is an extension of self-love and self-acceptance. Everyone deserves to be nurtured, and you deserve it too!

Then we feel internally fulfilled and loved, we will not be demanding and critical of other people.

Here are the questions you mighty want to ask yourself:

  • Am I upset about something that I haven’t resolved out yet (angry, sad, hurt, worried)?
  • Do I avoid dealing with these issues? How? (entertainment, internet, social medial, food?)
  • Am I getting enough sleeping?
  • Am I getting good nutrition, supplements and quality food?
  • Am I moving enough? When did I last exercise, stretch, take a walk?
  • Am I resting enough?
  • Do I drink enough water?
  • Have I been watching too much TV?
  • Am I being creative (artistically or professionally)?
  • Am I getting enough social  and play time with people I love?
  • Have I been getting enough touch and affection?
  • Do I judge or criticize myself? Whose voice do I hear when I do that? (usually parents, recognize them and disconnect)
  • Do I judge others people? What can I do to stop it?
  • What makes me angry?
  • Am I taking time to appreciate things in my life?
  • Have I been outside and gotten enough fresh air and sunlight?
  • How do I express my needs?
  • Am I getting heard? If not, what’s in the way?
  • Am I feeling understood and valued?
  • Do I have a routine? Does it work for me?

I could probably share more. Note that these are all in the first person and there is no victimization here. It’s not anyone else’s fault if you have a breakdown. And there is no need for self blame either. It’s simply about how smooth things are going on a day-to-day basis.

There will be life circumstances and breakdowns that seem to get in the way. You should never allow yourself to get totally stuck in them.

How do you get out of this mess and get unstuck?

I will share some tips in my next post…

If you find you could use some help with this, we have a many resources for you.